Today I’m taking revenge on the rain by eating a lot. If I can’t go outside then I will fill my inside with every single carb I can find under this roof.
I tell people I love the rain cos I’m a romantic, but it’s just because I fucking love food and it gives me an excuse not to go out running. I hate exercise. I just pretend to like it. The only thing I really like is food.
I want to eat cake. And pizza. And ice cream. And then a large burger with fries. And then I’ll get bigger and bigger and nobody will want me then social oblivion will finally arrive. Thank God. And eventually they’ll just have to Take Me Out of the house by taking the window out and using the crane But I don’t care Just as long as I’ve got food. My only true love.
Not surprisingly the rain is indifferent to my protest.
I fucking hate dieting.
