Mind Games

Every time I go to New York I'm convinced I'll fall in love. As I've never been in love, and having been diagnosed by at least two psychiatrists as been constitutionally incapable of feeling such an emotion, it shows just how intoxicating that city is. So that's why I anxiously rush to my seat on the plane because I just can’t help feeling that I’m going to be sitting next to the guy who I'll marry. He’s going to be in the seat already as I arrive and he will be reading - let me think -maybe The Economist, because I actually want him to have money, not to be reading Tolkien or something. Anyway, he will look up and I will look down, andthen there won’t be any more reading of The Economist. Because we will be talking. We will talk and talk and talk as if we’d been in some kind of weird prison for 1,000 years where talking was forbidden and we just got parole. My God, will we talk. Cue montage of us talking, laughing, the plane going from day to night and we’re still talking, the old woman across the way getting annoyed and we promise to be quiet but then we laugh, covering our mouths because we're the sort of decent people who respect some annoying old woman. Needless to say, what actually happens when I sit down and see the guy next to me is less of a plane romance and more to do with a useful contact in the shower ring business!* prize available for anyone who gets my most obscure references. Anyway, as I keep  consistently failing to meet the aforementioned man, I was thinking that I might just put out a general advertisement. It's official, I'm single, and so are you... maybe you could be my boyfriend. Maybe it's destiny. But as you know, destiny can be a cruel mistress. And so can I. And to be honest, it kind of gives me a little thrill to think of watching various men slog it out, battling each other for my hand. So that's why I've made a little game. You win the game, you win me. I will publish the rules of the game very soon but I can tell you the vague outline. Basically, I've identified 12 reasons why my relationships have never worked out. You have to prove to me that those 12 reasons don't apply to you. Watch this space...